More than a Place to Put Books

I really like libraries. It goes beyond my love of reading and books. I like the atmosphere of education and learning. There are different areas, some I've been to have had art galleries, some have had cafe's. I have a list of my top three favorite libraries that I have been to.

3) San Diego Mesa College Learning Resource Center

While I went to San Diego Mesa College, I spent a lot of my time studying (chemistry if I remember correctly) at this library. The building is huge and it overlooks part of the campus, and on clear days, you can see all the way to La Jolla

2) San francisco State University: J. Paul Leonard  Library
I am currently on the 4th floor on a rainy day. If it was clear I could see the ocean out of my window. I spend a lot of my time here when I a not in class. There are many places to study, there are couches and comfy chairs to nap on and even a coffee shop










1) University of California San Diego: Geisel Library
This Library has the most commanding architecture of any library I've ever seen. I had an ex who went to this school and I spent a lot of time in this library studying while he was in classes. The first floor is art galleries, mostly dedicated to Dr. Sueus, You can also see the ocean from the 8th floor of this building.

Summer Lovin'

Summer of 2011 has been a very interesting one so far. My class ended three weeks ago and I think I did very well. By the time the final came around, I had a 78% in the class. I think I did pretty well on the final, so I am assuming I got a "B" in the class. It was very intense, a whole class packed into 5 weeks. We read 2-3 essays or short stories per day, three essays to write, three response papers, 4 quizzes, and two in class essays. I am willing to bet that if I had a better environment, I could have done better. But let's not focus on that part of the past. I did the best I could have in the circumstances I was given, and I am satisfied with that. I learned a lot, made some class friends, and just enjoyed myself.
The day after my class was done, Greg, McKenna, Shannon and myself took off for the beach house in Carlsbad for a few days. One of his cousins was getting married, so we decided to make a trip out of the event. It was a cute wedding, short and to the point.
During the time down there, we also got an opportunity that meant the world to me and my sisters, we got to go to Newport Beach and Balboa Island. Those places hold such a significant place in our hearts, I wish Greg was not such a grump the whole time. If it were not for the stories that I've read that took place in Newport Beach, I would be a very different person. Thank you God for allowing Robin Jones Gunn to write her books that have inspired me and affected, strengthened, and clarified my relationship with You. It was almost like traveling to Mecca for me. It was a spiritual experience for me, I really wish Greg could have understood that.
That night we had dinner at Downtown Disney and watched the fireworks. I enjoy going there sometimes.
The next day, we had a tour at UCSD, oh how I love that place! I find such great joy when I think about my potential attendance there. I would give anything to live on campus and maybe even study abroad for a time. I yearn for a true college education and experience and travel. I want adventure in the great wide, somewhere, I want it more than I can tell...
We also spent a little time in San Diego, the city I love and I have fallen in love with that city. I have felt for years that God has been leading me to San Diego. I had a wonderful Presbyterian church, and I always had something to do.
It was a wonderful trip, I had some amazing "God Moments" and I continue to pray that He works in my life and allows me to go back there soon.

Carlsbad, CA

Greg and I spent last week at his family beach house in Carlsbad. It was a wonderful week. We did not really get to relax because we took small trips to San Diego and to Downtown Disney. I had a college tour at UCSD on the day after we got there. I spent a lot of time there in 2005. I know the campus very well. I began my interest in that school back during my senior year of high school. I was using a website called collegeboard.com that helps with school information and SAT prep. I discovered this school was close to Sea World, is close to the beach and offered a major called animal psychology.
In 2004 when I began going out with Ben, I learned he was planning on transferring there in the fall of 2005. So that is around when I began to spend a lot of time there. I would study in the libraries, various coffee shops and computer labs. I sort of fell in love with the campus, and spent almost all of my free time, and studying time there. While I was going to SD Mesa College, I got involved with a program called the Transfer Admittance Guarantee, or TAG Program. I went to a counselor and he helped me make a 'road map' of which classes I was to take and when I was done, I was guaranteed to be admitted to UCSD. Well the relationship with Ben faded out, I moved back home and have been floating around with my schooling and classes ever since. In March, I went to see a counselor at MJC and we came up with another plan for me to transfer to UCSD, but not in the TAG program. there is so TAG program her in Modesto, so I have to go through the application process like every other transfer. In this process, I've been praying, like I do with everything. I am trying to see if this is what God wants me to do. I still want to work as an Animal Trainer at Sea World with the whales. I do not think God would give me these huge feelings to do this if he didn't want me to do this, I do not think God plays games and toy with people's emotions.
Greg and I also went to some places in SD that served some practical purpose and some of my nostalgic purposes including Belmont Park, Garnet Street, and Old Town San Diego. I'll write more about this trip at another time.

The meaning behind my blog name.

My blog is called Defying Gravity, One Day At A Time. I got this name from the stage production of "Wicked." There is a very powerful song called "Defying Gravity." I have never seen this particular play, but I have wanted to for a long time. The song takes place when the main character Elphaba, is fed up with all of these challenges, these "gravities" holding her down from her total potential as an activist, a political influence, and maybe even as a witch. So she decides that no matter how hard she tries to do good, people are going to look past that and deem her as "wicked." She can not seem to get anywhere by following rules, she is tired of facing limits. So she decides that she is going to "fly solo, but at least I'll be flying free."
I have felt like Elphaba so many times in my life for so many different reasons. Living under the roof of a strict and sometimes unreasonable and illogical rules was the majority of my gravity. I really connected with this song when I moved to San Diego the first time in 2005. I had never felt the freedom, true freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted and never had to check in with anyone.
Since then, I feel as though I (as well as every person) goes through daily challenges, daily gravities. Things that hold us back from our true potential. Perhaps someone tells you that you can not do something. Maybe you tell yourself that something can not happen. But at some point, you just have to forget rules, forget what other people tell you and forget the restrictions and just go for it.
I have my daily gravities, you have daily gravities. It takes strength, guts and a lot of personal pep talks to learn how to screw the rules and Defy Gravity.

I am in such a weird mood right now. I think I might call it a funk, yes a funk. I feel torn and like I am behind in life. I am starting to miss Disney and my life in Florida. I also miss animal training. I miss living in San Diego and working at Sea World. then I get to thinking "Do I really miss working/living at these places or do I miss the feeling form being in these places or working at these places?"
When I lived in San Diego (the first time Aug. 2005-Dec.2006) I felt all big and grown-up. I had my own apartment, a steady boyfriend, was going to school, and had a job.

The Past

Does anyone else go back and read their old blogs from various sites? Or perhaps from friends old blogs? I can not believe how much I have changes in 5 years. For the better of course. I have certain friends who are on a very destructive path and I pray out for them daily. There is no possible way that they are truly happy with how they are living their life. I honestly sit and think about how things were, how we screwed up and see what came of it. I had a bad long term relationship that I could blame a lot of on myself. And I honestly sometimes miss the life style I had in San Diego. I would honestly go back and try over

Going Away

How can one thing that is bad enough lead to another that makes everything seem like the end of the Earth??? Four of the five people I consider my "best friends" are all moving next month. Mickalyn is going to Alabama, Melina is going to Arizona, Jonelle is going to L.A., and I just found out Brianna is moving to Texas on Sept 1. Life is so unfair, I'm not sure what to do at this point of my life.

Everything is changing and I'm not sure how to react or deal with this. After this next year, there is going to be nothing for me here in Modesto. There is going to be no one or very few people I really know. I have to get out of here more than anyone can even begin to imagine. I need to break away and hopefully go to San Diego to begin a life. There is nothing left here. I can't be here anymore. It is creating this hole in me....just eating away at me. I can't really describe it. And the way things are looking...lets just say things are not looking too good right now. I'm probably going to be stuck in this desert for the rest of my life...saying "would you like fries with that" till I die. So yeah.

Sweet Ice Cream

K, so yesterday was one of the best days I've had in a long time. David has some sort of acid reflex problem and there is scaring in his stomach and stuff. But he will be ok. So he's on the same meds as my dad which is kinda weird.
But, anyway... so Caleb picked me up from school and we went out and did stuff (it was fun, we had a good time)...then Mickalyn, Melina and I went Baskin Robbins hopping cause it was free scoop night. Its sort of a tradition we have done for three years now. Its always been so much fun. Now Mickalyn and I are looking for jobs at Petsmart.
OMG!!! my life is ruined. K, not really. They are moving the killer whales around in the Sea World community and Marine World has got another whale in its possession. And there are getting another one from Argentina...I think. So, SWC has only 7 whales now and yeah, this all happened this week, right after we got back from San Diego.

Night wishes

Its almost 11:30 (not right now it isn't) and my vision went out the window at like 9:30. So, reading for English is almost not an option. And so I lie here in my dark room, all alone, listeneng to my radio, with my window open, and the peacocks seem restless tonight. They make the most amazing and peaceful sounds. And I don't mind not being able to do anything because there are other thing to be thinking about. And of course, the only song that has to come on is She's in my Head. Except in my case, its the other way around. Dude, if I could, I'd just get up and leave. Just go to the park or something. There would be no one there and I could actually be myself for a few hours. Night time is the best time in the world. There is no one up and about in my house, I have the only room downstairs, and no one can hear my music, which is a little out there. The best time is right before dawn, when a person knows that a day is comming and they know they have to make the most of it. It is an opportunity to live and be thankful for the day. I'm not sure if I can describe it. You just have to know.
All of the Trinity kids are in San Francisco right now, and if I weren't in percussion, I'd be there too. Last year was so amazing and life changing. The weather was beautiful with all of the rain and the night walks. I think last year, I hung out with some people I normally would not have hung out with. They are amazing people and I wish we could still hang out. doesn't look like I'll be back tlil May. Got San Diego this week and a Fever camp the next week. Have a good time, I'll be praying for ya.
And no matter what people, you can't get anywhere in life by wishing.

No go?

Well the closer it comes, the more it looks like we aren't going to Sea World.. Grah, there go my hopes, my dreams, my future... or at least a perfectly good Saturday afternoon in San Diego. I'm not sure if some people know just how much this means to me. Well, 'Love is patient...' God is always on time and rarely a day late. Just got to learn to let go.

Currently Reading: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Easter, Sea World

Yeah, so today is Easter and my family went back to our old church in Fremont this morning.  It's really sad because my dad had to work today and we went and visited his side of the family. I really miss him sometimes.
So, yeah, we also leave for San Diego this Wed. Well, Mickalyn and I are leaving on Tuesday and going to LA so HAHA to all of you who have to get up at like 5 in the morning on Wed.. Oh, and if you are going, bring an extra $30 cause if you do, we are going to Sea World and if we don't, I'll cry and get all depressed and probably die. If you don't know my passion in life already, dude, you don't know me at all, get a clue people.

A Break

K, so the concert was all good an all, actually i think it really sucked. I mean it wasn't bad or anything. I'm just hitting that point of my senior year where everything sucks. Nothing is what it seems. Everything is changing and the times can not be changed.
 It's one of those days I want to go out to enjoy the sun and not have a care in the world. But I've got San Diego to worry about and my last few weeks in high school. Then, i got Fever to worry about and then I get to begin school over again. Just a never ending circle of events leading to another. It's not bad or anything, just I never get to hang out with all of my friends outside of school or school related activities. I need a break!!!Is it coming soon???
I also feel really bad cause I haven't been to church in like 3 weeks and won't be going for another 3 weeks. It's actually nice to get a break from there. You guys rock, really.

Percussion, Traveling

OK, so the competition went as well as could be expected. MP totally screwed up in prelims and KICKED BUTT in finals. (except the cursed Beyer...) Oh, well. Concert percussion did an ok job. It was not perfect but not horrible. Just average. YAY, I'm going to Disneyland in 6 days!! Too bad Cindy can't come. And I'm really bummed I cant go to the all city concert festival.. Oh, well I never really liked it anyway.
Dude, Mickalyn is going to be gone from Wed. to next Tues, Cindy is gone Thurs. and Fri. I'm leaving Sat. night at midnight and wont be back til next Tues. Then we'll all be in Diego for percussion.