Thursday, October 21, 2010


Halloween is coming up in 10 days. I have mixed feelings about this holiday. I have vague memories of going trick-or-treating in Hayward around my Aunty Kay's neighborhood. I think I was dressed up as a clown and I did not like the feeling of the make-up on my face. I also remember carving pumpkins at my grandparents house in Fremont.
When I was in elementary school, they used to do a costume parade at school. My mom decided she did not want me participating in that Halloween activity. I was always so angry because all of my friends would be there and would spend days talking about what they were dressing up as. I always felt so left out. Mom would keep me home from school on Halloween for many years.
That continued until I got to high school. When I was in middle school, they were past doing costume parades, but mom kept me home from school anyways. I remember one year, I think I was 12, she bought us The Wizard of Oz on VHS. We also made caramel apples. I think we ended up eating the caramel off of the apples and leaving the apples and upsetting mom. But I always liked watching The Wizard of Oz.
I do not think Halloween was really recognized in high school. I went, and other kids sometimes came dressed up and talked about their plans for the much celebrated day. Mom never let me get dressed up or do anything fun to celebrate. It was just another day.
When I moved out for the first time, I did not do anything for Halloween for the 2 years I was out. I remember posting a blog both times (2005 and 2006) about staying home and doing homework even though I knew people who were going to parties or such. Because I had never been allowed to participate growing up my whole life except the one memory when I was like 3 or 4, I did not think my mom would like it if I grew up into someone who did do things like that. I remember around Halloween of 2006, my mom called me and told me that my siblings were getting dressed up and going trick-or-treating. That phone call really hurt me because I had always wanted to do just that...something relatively normal. Getting dressed up on Halloween and going trick-or-treating. I really could not believe what she was telling me. All the years of telling me how evil Halloween, and how it revolves around Satan and witches and ghosts do not exist and every other thing I know to be true, but wanted to ignore for one night a year.
From then up until now, I think Mom has been allowing her kids to dress up and go to the Truck-or-Treat at church. I made Nina's costume last year and she wants me to make her another one this year.
Another time I got really sad was in the fall of 2008 when I was working at Disney the first time. Walt Disney World has a 2 month tine period when they have nightly parties called Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party. I remember seeing whole families all dressed up for a night of safe fun in the Magic Kingdom, and I wondered why I did not go to that. I've seen a lot of pictures of my friends going and I still wonder why I did not take the opportunity to go to it. I really want to so bad.
I still have never dressed up for Halloween, and I have always wanted to. Greg does not really want me to, so that is another dream of mine I need to do someday.

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