One of my favorite games growing up was a game called Zobmondo. It was a game that consisted of "Would you rather" questions. One of them was "Would you rather be hated or ignored?" I decided that I would rather be not only hated, but even loathed rather than be ignored. I hate being ignored. It makes me feel like I'm not worth someone's time, or that I'm unimportant. I don't often feel this way, but right now I do and I hate it. I can not even think of words to describe it. It's is like being punished for something you did not do and you have no way of proving otherwise. Like you could gargle with bleach. Scream and no one is listening
Life has been interesting lately. Let's begin with my life. I kicked out my roommate last week. She moved in in the very end of August. So I did not charge her for 2 days worth of August. Now I think I've mentioned the way my rent works. It is $875/mo. But I just call it $450 so it can also cover the cost of utilities. My roommate come up with only $200 for the month of September and promised as soon as she found a job. Sounded reasonable to me, plus I had a little money saved up form the summer. So September goes by and she tells me she got 2 jobs, and I tell her that is great. I'm supportive. So a few weeks go by and every day during those few weeks, she is at home all day in her PJ's, watching soaps and talk shows, and I assume she is at work while I'm at school. Plus she was telling me a bit about it, and she *was* going for about 3 days. (I think). October comes around, and I'm expecting $750 ($250 for September and $450 for October). I get a check for $350 and a text message insuring that she was not planning on paying me back for September and she was not going to pay for the rest of October. So in a sense, she was in my debt $350. I then went down to my manager's apartment and asked her what I should do. My manager told me that my roommate has been avoiding her and she never signed the lease so it was up to me to kick her out and my manager was willing to go with me to Small Claims Court. I'm thinking "Cool!" I give the girl until the end of the week to get her stuff and get out. She tells me that's not fair, gives me a bunch of reasons that she should stay. They were good reasons...had she been on the lease. So after a tense bitch fight with her, she kicked out Ben...and then me. But I really didn't want to be around a drunken lowlife pothead any longer than I had to be. So I crashed with Ben for the rest of the week. The day she was planning on leaving, she canceled the $350 check. So Ben and I had to scramble to get the money for October's rent, which included using up all of our savings accounts and even some credit :.. Ick! Ben and I go back to my place and tell her to leave right then and now. Long story short, she is gone, I don't know where she is, she owes me $750 that I'm never going to see.
I honestly am not sure if I can keep this up. I want to go home, but I feel obligated to stay. I am here at someone's will. Why can't I break away?