Happy 24th Birthday Brianna

Tomorrow is Brianna's 24 birthday. I can not believe it has been over four years since she went home to be with Jesus. I sometimes feel like I could pick up the phone and call her and I still know her voice and mannerisms by heart. I know she would be kicking my butt right about now because I still fret over her at times. It has been the hardest thing I have ever overcome in my life. I have pictures, memories, movies and music to remember her by. A twenty year old should not have lost her best friend of thirteen years.

Control

One of the most important words to date is CONTROL. It holds such power and to me, it means choice. To control a situation is to choose the out come of it. I have control over nothing. My alarm clock wakes me up, the bell tells me when to go to class, my teachers assign work, deadlines are made up, my parents do the shopping, so they choose what I eat, what I wear, they do not allow me to drive, so they control where I am, all of  the time, and I can not even choose how to spend ANY of my birthdays. I haven't celebrated it for nine years. Our family would have either just moved, or I'd have just changed schools, or they really did not feel like dealing with it. I'm lucky I was in Mexico for my last three. I know it sounds really lame, but it is something that means a lot to me. I had this really cool idea for my next b-day, and my mom has already made plans, without telling me, or letting me make any suggestions. It does sound really nice, like I would like to do it, just not for my only 18th b-day.
Just to let you know, I'm not as depressed as I sound, I am just really good of hiding it. Thanks, y'all totally rock!!!

Currently Reading: The Adventures of Huck Finn