Tuesday, October 08, 2013

The Story Of Us Part 1: The Calm

Once upon a time, I was married. After some time, I decided I could no longer continue be married to someone who was addicted to prescription drugs. I could not handle someone who was uneducated and unemployed. So I decided to end that relationship and move on with my life.

Though I have been legally single for just under a year, I tell people that I was single for over two years. In my heart, I knew that there was no chance that my ex was going to help himself, therefore the relationship was over.

I needed to take time to rediscover myself. I had morphed into a very unhappy, emotionless person capable of great self harm. I discovered that I have a huge love of theater, YouTube, make up artistry, running, and all other forms of performing.

I also decided that I was going to take a few years to focus on myself, mainly my education. I had my goals, I had a stable place to live, I had a job, and I was single. Nothing to get in the way. I figured that I would open myself to a relationship after I started attending a university, because there is a better chance of me settling in that area, than in this area. I really did not see the point in starting a relationship if I was just going to be leaving the area in a year.

Thia is not to say I didn't want a relationship. I believed I was ready, but to suppress these desires and feelings, I busied myself up to the max. I have gotten in the habit of loading myself with classes, 6-7 classes, working as much as I can, and finding time to do YouTube or theater when I can. I figured that if I kept myself busy, 1) I logically didn't have time to be in a relationship 2) I would be distracted enough to not want a relationship. For a long time this worked. I was doing exceptionally well in school this past year, and my work environment and relationships there have blossomed.

My life, was safe, predictable, and I felt very lonely.

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