Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Forever Alone

I don't really talk much about personal topics online, or in real life. I feel like I portray a superficial life, I write about school and things that are happening, but I do not feel like I really write or talk about me, who I am or what I am feeling. Like everybody, I have massively deep feelings, dreams and desires. I also have put my full 100% faith in God and His plan for me.

In addition to being single for almost two years now, I recently came to the conclusion that I have not been on a date in almost five years. I have for the most part been perfectly happy as a single person, as I have written in previous posts. On the other hand, I have no problem living vicariously through movies or books or music.

A factor in my choosing to be single is the knowledge that I will not be living in the area much longer. I will be a college graduate in less than a year and will be moving on to a university, hopefully in the Southern California region. I have no desire to start up a relationship just to be torn away from it in less than a year.
I trust God with all my heart that He has someone out there in the world for me. I am pretty sure I have not met this person yet, and I have been praying for him for almost two years now. Just today on twitter, bug Hall (@Bug_Hall) tweeted : "I probably haven't met my wife yet, but I've decided to start respecting her now." This really struck a cord with me. I along with Bug have decided that I am going to start respecting my future partner. I'm raising the standards in my life for the people I go out with, if anyone. I have also been praying for myself, that I am becoming prepared for that time.  I am comfortable with myself for the most part, but I am so socially awkward.

With this said, I naturally have daydreams, thoughts, and standards. About the sort of person I'd like to end up with, and the sort of life I'd like to have. These have been more intense and I have started feeling a little more lonely in the last month or so.  I know that when we plan, God laughs, so I try to not take these dreams too seriously.
 It is still hard though, and my new prayer has been for God to settle these feelings and let me save them for when I can fully express myself.
Available? Not quite yet, but so much anticipating the day when I am no longer available.


Anonymous said...

Respect is a great thing to have for your future partner, so is forgiveness and submitted love because God will bless them with the same heart for you. Ephesians 5:21-33 says it all.

Kelsey said...

I suppose if I had someone to forgive....which I don't.
And as for that reference, this girl submits for no one because no one has proven himself worthy of submitting to. Goes both ways whoever you are.

Anonymous said...

You don't need a current reason for foregivness. When I say forgiveness for your future partner, I mean forgiveness for them not being perfect. Over time they will mold or become what you consider perfect and vice versa. It is what making comprises in relationships are about.

Submiting does not mean you are losing your individualism or independence, but allowing them to see you for who you truly are (an incredible and beautiful person) and loved for it instead of being weighted for your flaws. In fact you will be loved for the little flaws that keep you from being "perfect" in your future partners eyes.

As for the verse, it doesn't want you to submit to anybody, but to submit to your husband as he submits to you. Its about trusting in each other. He needs to loveyou as if he was going to die tomorrow and you should trust and love him without holding back as well.

The idea of the verse is you need to take care of each other and if it isn't equally then it will not work. No person should have to carry their marriage or relationship alone. What do you think?

Kelsey said...

Sounds like you are in a successful relationship, have a lot of experience and have all the answers. kudos

Anonymous said...

Actually, no I am not in a relationship and haven't been for many years. I just learn from people in my life who have inspired me with their relationships or marriages that I also want to have after I meet the right person. My ideas is what I learned from the incredible people in my life. I do agree that I have answers, but they might not be the correct answer for some people as we are not the same. No matter how much I want it, I will never have all the answers but thanks for the kudos.