The Weird Feeling

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”



I had many pets over the years. My first pet was Kitty when I was nine. I picked the name because when people call their cats, they usually call "here kitty kitty kitty." My second cat was named Nickie, because when I was thirteen I was in love with Nick Carter. They were both hit by cars, and I've experienced other pets dying over the years. It is a sad time, and I've always been ok with the loss of a pet.
Today it was decided that Mercedes was going to be put down tomorrow. I agree because she has not been eating regularly for a couple of weeks and she is drinking a lot of water and laying around and crying a lot. Our best guess is her kidneys are finally giving out and we do not want her to suffer. I agree with the decision, I do not want her to suffer any more either. The thing is I've never had a pet that had been put down. I just have this weird feeling in the put of my stomach that she i will be gone in like twelve hours. I can go physically touch her, hear, smell her and in a hew hours, I will never experience that again. I watch her in the backyard, and know she is going to be burred in dirt forever. It is such a bizarre feeling. I also feel so so sad. She is not my dog, but I know her so well, and I have taken care of her often enough, I really love her as she was my own, even though I have only known her for three years out of her fourteen and a half.
I have a lot of pictures of her, and I want to just go in with her and hold her the rest of the night. I am going to miss her so much. Not nearly as much as her mommy, it is going to be a very rough few days here in the house. I do not want to be here, not because of her mom, but because it is just going to be SO WEIRD without here around. Without her nails clicking around, or the sound of her breathing in the next room, or the sound of her scratching the door when she wants in, or without her food dish on the floor.
So May 2, 2011 is the last night Mercedes is going to sleep here in her home.