drained

Man today has been hard to go through. Just so much to deal with and think about. Today has been very inspiring and exciting and depressing at the same time. Well Let me go back to the beginning. So I had English at 8 this morning. We discussed some poetry, some 'ol same 'ol. But The poetry was very deep and inspiring. It mostly dealt with racism, and for me, that is a very hard topic to discuss. The causation people are being blamed for the worlds problems it seems like, and I am so tired of it. I just am. Not everything is our fault. Sure the people who lived before our time did some things that we would not approve of these days. And I feel like the world is looking at us. The people of now, and pointing the finger at us when there is no way we could have been there, at a different time. Yes there are still problems today, but the finger is not to be pointed this direction. It is so frustrating, and I'm tired of it.
So right after class got out, went out to Cliff Coon's memorial service in Fremont. It was beautiful the church was absolutely full. The stories told were very cool. Cliff was a rocket scientist (no joke) in Livermore, had 6 kids and was one of those people who was very good at mind puzzles and chess and those sort of things. He was very humble, quiet, and loved to spent one-on-one time with people. My childhood friend Ian gave a few words about a time when he and his cousin wanted to camp out in the backyard and his "Grandaddy" went to the windows and spooked them with creepy noises. He was very close to his grandfather. I remember going over there with him after church some Sundays and we couldn't have grilled cheese sandwiches. The way they sounded, made him think they were girly. (Girl-cheese). So we had boy-cheese sandwiches. But I remember his grandfather and the relationship they had. I hope he and his family recover from such a loss.
Now seeing Ian after 4 years was really weird. When we were growing up, I was always taller than he. But now he is so much taller than I am and is probably thinner than I am. Just weird. I had to ask him when he grew up and he was shocked on how much I had grown up too. We met when we were both 7, so its weird now that we are both 18. He a senior in hs and me a freshman in college. So he gave me a big hug and I got his email finally. So wOOt for that.
Parts of today were really hard for me, because I am not one to show my emotions at all about anything, and being in the heavy atmosphere of grieving, it was just hard. I don't know how to explain it. And I have been struggling with a few decisions lately, so in whatever form, keep me in mind plzty.
I'm out!