Sunday, July 18, 2004

Best Friends Forever

I've been sitting here with the window open for the longest time, wanting to write something. But the thing is, I have the opposite of writers block. My mind has much to say, it is just not organizing the ideas. I have a million things for the world to read about me. I just can't seem to control how fast the information is moving from subject to subject. I mean, with the thoughts and memories come the feelings, some good, others not so good. But they are coming so fast and so random, it's a bit confusing. And now I have been sitting here so long and gone through so many thoughts and memories, I have forgotten much of what I wanted to say.
I guess one of my first thoughts was my journal. I write in it not thoughts like a "diary" or anything girly like that. What I keep in it are quotes from people and books. Then there are some song lyrics that have had some meaning to me, and other random thoughts, lecture notes and poetry I've written. Actually, it is the type of journal I wouldn't be bashful to share.

I was thinking of writing in it, which is not something I do often. The only times I write in it is when I'm most depressed or lonely. I know for sure that I'm not at all lonely, but the depression thing is a different story. It is not as bad as earlier this year. It is just one of depressions where I'm just dwelling of past events that can not be changed. I guess I'm being just a big baby about this whole thing. Things happen and there is nothing  can do about it. OK, I guess I'll stop with that whole depression crap.
My dad sent me this site that broadcasts a Hawaiian music station from Maui, so I was letting my mind drift back to last year when Cindy and I went. We had the most awesome time I could ask for. I think one of the best times was either  riding or this one night when we stayed up later than usual just catching up and talking. I think that's what I miss the most. I don't know, lately, she hasn't been in a very "let's get together and talk" sort of mood.
That's probably why I have been going out with Mickalyn so often. After every Mo Band practice, we have gone out to In 'n Out and just hung out. Didn't spend any money except for drinks, and we just talked for the longest time. Just talked about nothing and everything. I have friends who are not like that anymore, or are just...not like that, it really breaks my heart to know people like that. I mean, they are either "we have to be doing something" people or "we just have nothing in common people" Um hello people? How many things do Mickalyn and I have in common?

 For those who know us and have seen us together in school, we are always together. We always used to fight too. And they would last for days on end. We wouldn't speak to each other or anything. At the end of our junior year, we had the worst fight ever. I really thought it was over for us. We didn't talk all summer, but the first day of band camp came and all was forgotten. We had one "fight" this year right before we went to Reno for out first band competition. We didn't room in the same room,  but we sat next to each other on the bus rides and spent every moment of free time together. Good friendshps take time. We have had almost four years together. She and Maribel are my oldest friends here in Modesto. I guess what I'm saying the thing is I miss most in some of my friends (the ones who have changed the most) is those times of hanging out and talking into all hours of the night.

 I just realized how much I have been blabbering on about this and I don't care if the reader had even read this far. But I'm using this as a bit of my Kelsey Time, which for me includes times of reflection and pondering other things. It really helps me as a person to "survive' myself.

I'm writing way too much right now. I'll continue on this soon.
Currently Watching
By Dustin Hoffman, Robin Williams, Julia Roberts
see related

No comments: