Current mood:frustrated

I can remember back to as far back as possible, I was never good at learning a lesson. Well, I am fine at learning them, but admitting that I needed to learn that lesson, and accepting that I had learned that lesson, has always been a tough thing for me. I never had those 7th Heaven or Full House moments with my parents.  There was no studio audience "Awwww" que, or any hugs, or pats on the back. I am just the most stubborn person, the most proud person.
When I had my 2 reviews at Six Flags, I was told I was doing an ok job, but I gave the impression that I did not appreciate the job. And I realize that my manager was 100% right. It took me 3 months to learn this one, but I admit that I have. I wish I could get back this summer so I could work my ass off at Six Flags. I mean I feel sick to my stomach right now, because I am so completely angry right now with myself. I am so angry I could cry, and I have not cried in 5 months...at Brianna's funeral.
I remember when I worked at Sea World, I felt like I had won the jackpot. I was so out there willing to go the extra 10 miles, and this summer, I had this attitude about me. I felt like I deserved the job. I do not think I realized that I did not deserve it, I earned it.
I would totally make up this last summer with the coming summer, and try with every fiber of my being to get that position again. I KNOW that I would totally rock and blow everyone away with my enthusiasm and passion. The whole not-having-a-car had made that impossible. I think this summer is going to be me bumming around Modesto. If I had a car, EVERYTHING would be different.